Be Impeccable With Your Word
I recently finished reading "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz. It had been on my bucket list of books for quite some time. But for some reason, I felt compelled to finally move it to the top. And while reading it, I realized how much those four agreements apply to our life with horses.
- Be impeccable with your word
- Don't take anything personal
- Don't make assumptions
- Always do your best
So I thought it'd be great to have a conversation about them.
BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORD - So What does this actually mean in regards to horses?
How many times have you uttered "he is just being a jerk" or some other nice attributes we give our horse? "She is a B&*^%". "He is just stubborn". "Why does she have to be so difficult?"
We say some pretty harsh things about our horses - I have done it myself. But are those statements actually true? Or are we looking at our horse's behavior through the lens of our own frustration, anger etc?
When I work with horses I don't know, I typically get the background - and the owner's description of who their horse is. And yet, the horse typically tells me a very different story. When we say those negative things, it carries energy with it and becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy - we make the agreement with ourselves that this is the way our horse is. We assign this label because it gives us a way to categorize what is going on and a way to reference and talk about it with others. AND, we can then make it about our horse, we now can find ways to address HIS behavior. We don't have to focus on what we bring to the table.
But for me, a better starting point is to have a conversation with your horse.
Not too long ago I was chatting with someone about horses being resistant and "misbehaving". How we use equipment, tack and training techniques to deal with these situations. I commented that in my experience, horses don't cooperate for a handful of reasons:
- they don't understand our request because they have not been taught
- they have difficulty doing what we are asking of them because they are hurting
- they simply aren't physically capable of doing it
- we are not clear in our request of the horse.
And when you look at it this way, you realize that it is not the horse that needs to change. WE have to take the responsibility to change.
Either by being more clear in our request, by breaking the request down into smaller components, by asking for less and building on it. We need to become impeccable in our communication and not use our words to diminish our horses. Our words are the tools we create our reality with. Our thoughts become our words, our words become our actions, our actions become our character. So when we say these negative things, we create an antagonistic reality for us and our horses.
When you not only focus on YOUR request but also allow the horse to respond and have a say, you have the ability to form a partnership that benefits both of you. It preserves your horse's goodwill and his dignity. It creates trust and connection.
Be impeccable with your word.