Setting Intentions - Staying Focused

As I sit here on my beautiful deck with a lush garden behind me, watching a young Robin fledgling hopping through the flower beds and his Mom bringing him food, I realize how blessed I am. My mock orange is in bloom and the sweet scent is all around me. I have a nice shady spot to write and a cup of good hot coffee, courtesy of my family in Germany. The breeze is just right and when I am finished writing this, I will head out to an organic farmers market to shop for our weekly veggies, supporting not only a local business owner but also the environment. It’s a beautiful summer day. I was once asked how I choose my topics. I don’t have a formula for it. I typically write about something I want to share, something I contemplate, something I learned. But most importantly: I set an intention to write and ask for inspiration.

As I sat contemplating the topic today, my mind couldn’t focus. So I decided to pull a card from one of my decks. And I pulled the Cheetah – with the message: Set your intention and stay focused to achieve your goals!

Losing our cat Gerry recently, I have to admit I spent the last several weeks in a funk. My motivation lagged, my focus gone, the only saving grace was my work with horses. It grounded me, helped me center myself again. And I realized, the one difference between those times and the rest of my life was – I set an intention.

Gerry’s passing made me realize how much I had relied on meeting his needs to center and ground my home life. When he ate, when he wanted the windows open, when he needed snuggle time. Because my INTENTION to make his life the best I could was the driving force behind it all. It guided all my actions and way of being. It anchored me into the here and now because that’s where he lived. He didn’t think about missed opportunities or an unkind comment he heard the day before. He didn’t contemplate what food he would eat tomorrow or if the sun would finally come out. He simply looked for what he needed right then and there in that moment. Living life fully every moment.

Setting an intention is how I start every session – with every horse, with every client. The over-arching principle is always my question to the horse: How can I help you today? What do I need to know? Where do you want me to work? My intention is always: I am here to assist you. Tell me what you need.

I sometimes say it out loud, I may whisper it into an ear, I may just be a silent request – but the horse always answers. Sometimes unsure, sometimes loud and clear, sometimes I will even get the “I don’t need help, I am fine”. But I always get an answer and it always informs my approach to that horse during that session on that day. And the intention is what brings focus to the work, the techniques I use, how much pressure, where to put my hands, for how long. No session is ever the same. I don’t have a routine. Even when I work on a horse regularly, the one constant is my question to the horse and my intention to help.

But when we bring an intention like “what do I need to know today?” to our every interaction with them, we can start peeling back to layers of difference in communication between our two. We can see past “bad behavior”, a “sour attitude” or “he just doesn’t want to work”. We can start seeing it as their way of giving us feedback and we can then tailor a response to their very immediate needs. Setting an intention can help us keep our focus since our lives are full of distraction. It can help quieten our mind so we can listen with our whole being, not just what we hear or see. We can develop our sixth sense so to speak because we become open to a much more subtle level of communication and interaction.

And this in turn allows the horse to trust us on a much deeper level and can build a strong foundation of a beautiful partnership and having a conversation that matters.

I can't be the only one!

Sometimes horse ownership can feel like the loneliest place on earth. You are probably scratching your head at this because, let’s face it, the horse community is HUGE! And there is no shortage of opinions when it comes to you needing answers. You have a problem, there is always someone offering a solution. But seriously, sometimes you just feel like you are the only one when it comes to making sure your horse is getting the right care.

It is no joke when they say: put five horse people in a room, ask a question and get eight answers…..

I know how “helpful” this can be especially when already came up with six of them all on your own.

All joking aside, when our horse doesn’t feel good, we don’t just fret over his physical discomfort or pain. We also think of the emotional and mental impact it has on him. I know I do. And doing this work has allowed me to tune in even more. I now watch for breathing patterns, the look in his eye, the tone and texture of his coat. It helps me catch things earlier, but it also can make me look totally paranoid to other people. Not everyone pays such close attention to their horse, and what works for me may not work for others. But if you are similar to me, I bet you just take one look and KNOW something is still not quite right.

And when things are not right, we sometimes end up questioning ourselves. Am I being overly cautious? Am I reading into this? Am I overprotective? We call the vet, but nothing really can be diagnosed. Or, the vet says: let’s try giving him XYZ. And you listen, of course. Because your vet spent an inordinate amount of time studying this stuff and accumulating knowledge.

But sometimes things just don’t resolve themselves. And you start questioning everything.

I went through this myself not too long ago. And I was frustrated. I mean FRUSTRATED.

Not only did I feel helpless because I could not seem to help my horse, but it wasn’t getting better but worse. It started out with him not being lame to him walking like an 80-year old, although not every time and certainly not when the vet came out. And my horse tried for me. Believe me, I know the look! He always gives a 120%. So I knew something was really seriously wrong.

“Mom, I am really trying, but I just can’t do it.”

It’s heart-breaking. I learned to take a lot of deep breaths and to hit the proverbial mental “pause” button A LOT! I am a problem solver by design, it’s one of my gifts. But it can also be a challenging trait for others because I just don’t give up and I will keep asking questions. I knew there had to be information and help out there. But it sure felt like I was a one-woman band some days because the diagnosis didn’t make sense (navicular was one option being talked about repeatedly, so were injections, special shoeing … you get the picture). There were many days when I told myself: do I just not want it to be true? Do I really have to face this diagnosis, or that one? Am I nuts that I am the only one seeing it differently? Why am I the only one who thinks this doesn't make sense because there are these other things which don't fit into the picture?

I finally ended up switching veterinarians. I needed a fresh set of eyes and someone who worked similar to me in looking at the big picture. Luckily, I had already started asking around and got some very detailed feedback on several excellent vets in the area.

So when I met Dr. Abby, and my horse LOVED her, I had no hesitation at all. You see, Chase not just liking but loving her was a big part of my decision. He can be very judicious in who he trusts and I now make this part of my evaluation process when deciding on who works with us. A tense horse may hide what’s going on so it was important that Chase felt comfortable with whomever I enlisted to assist us.

I felt we finally found the right support – because we both were being heard, really heard. It had been such a long time that someone wanted to take the time to listen to the hundred little details my brain had recorded. Dr. Abby was so incredibly patient – I can tell you. She deserved an award just for that.

But the most important part was, she was willing to amend her thinking based on my continuous feedback and we ended up working together to solve Chase’s issue. And not only that, she also suggested I bring another veterinarian with a different skill set on board so we could keep making progress.

That’s why I said in my last blog – my horse has a team. In the truest sense possible. Every single one of us has the same goal – to help him. And Chase trusts every one of us, which in itself is an achievement, I can tell you that.

That’s why I no longer feel alone in this. And that’s what I want for you.

Every single experience teaches us something (although there are days when I really would like to take a break from learning another lesson!).

But feeling like you are all alone in this does not have to be one of them.

Chase is now well on his way to recovery and back to work 3-4 days a week. And just this week, I was conferring with his farrier on his hoof balance and adjusting his trimming schedule - another vital part of keeping him happy and sassy. And yes, his red-headed personality is back as well. Which in itself is a double-edged sword, but one I am more than happy to live with.

Most importantly, I know now how supported we are, which gives me peace of mind that, no matter what comes our way, we can tackle it.

And that’s the approach I take here at Healing Hands. I offer full support to my clients. I not only work with their horses, but we also talk strategy on what would be helpful in their riding program, I teach some basic techniques that the owner can utilize to help their horse in between sessions, and I am available to answer any questions at all. 

I know how important your horse is to you. I know how much you care for him (or her!) and what an integral part of your family your horse is. And that’s why I take your feedback and your input very serious. Getting results and getting your horse back on track and feeling happy and sassy – that’s the goal. Progress, not status quo.

Give me a call so we can schedule a free consultation to discuss your particular situation. I know I can give you the right help and support.

Creating good habits

I recently came across this sentence - YOU ARE YOUR HABITS. 

And there is a lot of truth in those 4 simple words. But what really is the definition of "HABIT"?

I went to Merriam Webster, and here is their take: 

Full Definition of habit

1. archaic :  clothing

2. a :  a costume characteristic of a calling, rank, or function                                                      b :  a costume worn for horseback riding

3. :  manner of conducting oneself  -   bearing ourselves in a certain way

4. :  bodily appearance or makeup, e.g. a man of fleshy habit

5. :  the prevailing disposition or character of a person's thoughts and feelings -  mental makeup

6. :  a settled tendency or usual manner of behavior <her habit of taking a morning walk>

7. a :  a behavior pattern acquired by frequent repetition or physiologic exposure that shows itself in regularity or increased facility of performance                                                  b :  an acquired mode of behavior that has become nearly or completely involuntary

8. :  characteristic mode of growth or occurrence

And the recorded first use of this term is 1594  - I know I know,  I am getting a bit carried away now!

But here is the really important part - AN ACQUIRED MODE OF BEHAVIOR THAT HAS BECOME NEARLY OR COMPLETELY INVOLUNTARY.

So if a habit is something that is nearly involuntary - how do you create good ones? And how do you become aware of the ones you already have?

If we truly want to be successful in creating a good habit, it must be doable. And more importantly, we need to understand the underlying cause of why we currently don't have it and WHY WE WANT TO CREATE IT!

Habits have a very important function - they allow us to move through life without having to decide on every single action we take. They are based on three things:

1. Reminder - the trigger for the behavior
2. Routine - the action you take
3. Reward - the benefit you gain

Most of us focus on the reward. Be it being more fit, riding better, having a well-behaved horse, getting better scores. But are we really conscious of the reminder? The trigger of our OWN behavior? Or our horse's behavior? And are we aware of the seemingly unconscious actions we take?

A good habit develops when we become aware of the trigger and the action and have tuned in to the reward we really want. A bad habit develops when we focus only on the short-term  reward - the instant reward. 

You create a new habit by attaching it to something you already do. 

This is one of the reasons I teach my clients basic bodywork techniques specific to their situation. I very often link them to the grooming routine. You already pick your horse's feet and brush him regularly. So adding one or two things that don't take long builds on your already established routine. Those little things allow you to tune into your horse on a very subtle level - creating a habit of increased awareness to what's going on in your horse's body. 

Wouldn't it be helpful if your horse was more relaxed right from the get-go? Wouldn't it be great if you knew he was bothered in his girth area and you'd be able to do something about it before cinching up? Wouldn't it be awesome if you could loosen up his pelvis or relax his poll area before getting on?

Wouldn't you gain a much better performance and better connection, a more trusting relationship? 

We typically want to make huge changes, experience massive transformation - for ourselves and our horses. I have found though it's the little things, done every day, consistently, that allow us to see those benefits over time. It allows us to have a conversation, not a shouting match, it allows us to grow into it, instead of feeling like we are failing again when we can't keep up with well-intentioned  herculean efforts. It allows us to establish a new behavior without having to think about it every time. It doesn't ask us to  re-decide every day.

IT ALLOWS US TO SUCCEED!

I would love to hear what new habits you are willing to incorporate!

When to wait or move on

I was teaching bodywork techniques to a client the other day. She asked:

HOW DO I KNOW WHEN TO MOVE ON?

My answer was of course - it depends. I think all of us have received that kind of answer in our lives at some point. No matter what hobby, what profession, what skill set you have acquired or are currently working on, there comes a time when we have to move past the technical aspects and become more intuitive and feel our way through a particular situation. This is especially true when you work with another living being. How you interact and respond really depends on the other individual.

Some horses, like my mare, are very sensitive. She tends to release quickly once she learned to trust the process. My gelding on the other hand gets very deeply relaxed but takes his time letting stuff go. So how do you know when it is time to move on?

If you have the time, waiting is always beneficial.

When you address deeply held tension patterns, time is your best friend. They can take a few minutes to unravel and let go. As long as your horse is processing, wait. Sometimes I even walk away or step outside of the stall to help facilitate the release. Some horses even need that personal space. One of my clients has a horse who has the biggest releases as soon as I tell him: I think we are done for today. You should see his face and tongue contortions! While he does release nicely DURING the session, he saves all his best and funniest expressions for last.

However, if you do want to move on because you only have a certain amount of time, don't fret. We can't always wait for longer periods of time. Just be mindful about how you approach the horse again. Enter his space softly, let him know you are there. Don't be hesitant, be soft.

While you may think this only applies to bodywork, I can assure you it has its application in many other ways.

Take for instance the example of you making a request for your horse to back out of your space. How many times have you asked for the backup but did not give your horse the time to think about your request? And when he didn't comply right away, you instantly got loud and insistent.

In my last blog, I mentioned that horses live in the moments of silence between the sounds.

For our horse to be RESPONSIVE to our requests, we have to be RESPONSIBLE for our delivery of that request.

And that delivery also includes giving the horse time to figure out what we asked. Have you ever had your horse give you the wrong answer? I sure have. A lot of the time we tend to get mad and upset about it. But what if you looked at his "wrong" answer as him truly thinking that's what you asked for? Or how about acknowledging that your request was unclear, fuzzy or simply incoherent to your horse? And since you are looking for a response, he gave you SOMETHING?

 We typically want our horse to give us the "perfect" answer every time. But sometimes, we need to meet him where he is at and build on it.

This may mean having to re-explain something, to break the request into smaller components, to stop, re-evaluate, re-engage. It may also mean waiting a few seconds. And sometimes, good is good enough. Not because we want to settle for mediocre, but we realize that on our way to excellence, we have to go through many other stages, good enough/better than yesterday is one of them. 

For instance, when I work on increasing a horse's range of motion in his front end, I don't automatically expect him to go to the max. I see where he is at and slowly ask him to let go of restrictions. This can include different techniques. But I always focus on softness and giving, letting go, giving it to me vs me taking it. It's a huge difference to your horse.

If you allow your horse the time to think it through, you will create trust and relaxation. You are now creating a mental and emotional space where he will no longer feel the need to brace against your requests and demands. He can process it on a much deeper level.

It will also teach YOU to become more conscious and observant of the little things. Of those times when your horse starts asking for clarification or when he tells you of his difficulties to comply and execute. Your communication will become much more subtle. You know how couples with a deep connection can finish each other's sentences? What if you could achieve this kind of connection with your horse?

You can find it - in the space between - in the silence of waiting - in the state of being.