Give what you didn't get
For me, inspiration can come from really anywhere - be it a conversation with a friend, watching an interview, reading a book, or just becoming still and quiet. Heck, I had the opportunity to watch a Red-tailed Hawk take a bath in my birdbath the other day - what a magnificent sight. Totally in the moment, enjoying getting his feathers all clean, and yet always being aware of his surroundings. What an awesome sight.
I now have notebooks and pens all over my house, in my car, in my purse. Once I started listening, and I mean, REALLY listening, things I may have missed before started resonating in a whole new way.
A while ago I saw an interview with Bishop T.D. Jakes and the following quote just struck me as so important to our every interaction with our horses and people:
GIVE WHAT YOU DIDN'T GET
And it reminded me of a principal drummed into me during my extensive training.
When the horse resists, soften. You have to stay under his bracing response. Give, give some more, and then give again.
So often, when our horse resists, we tend to match his resistance by offering our own. And yet, do we end up with the outcome we seek? Do we end up creating a true partnership? Do we bring forth OUR best? Are we creating trust and relaxation? Are we able to release or overcome his resistance?
Can we really expect our horses to bring their best self if we are resistant to bring ours?
During bodywork sessions, it is inevitable that a horse will encounter difficulties with what I am requesting. It typically means I asked for too much too soon:
- asking for too much range of motion
- asking him to allow me into an area he feels discomfort in
- asking him to trust me on a deeper level than he feels capable of
- asking him to let go of tension in an area he is protecting
- asking him without being aware of my own tension
- not being clear in my request
The principle of staying under the bracing response, of softening whenever I encounter resistance, of meeting the horse where he is at, staying there and SUPPORTING him until HE can let go - it means I have to give what I didn't get:
- softness
- fluidity
- clarity
- understanding
- compassion
- kindness
This now in turn allows the horse to develop trust - trust on a very deep level. And this trust allows YOU to guide your horse to where you want him to go.
When I encounter a horse who is frightened, defensive, resistant, angry, frustrated, annoyed - I MUST offer what I didn't get. I MUST offer patience, kindness, compassion, understanding. I MUST be willing to listen. I must be willing to let go of my own expectation and the pictures running in my head.
I must become someone the horse can now RESPOND to instead of REACT to.
In order to obtain willingness, cooperation, responsiveness from our horses, WE must be willing to change our approach.
Now does this mean that horses should be able to run you over, kick, bite, charge at you? Of course not. Common sense about safety is always a must. Setting boundaries is one of the most important things to create trust. But once established, we must build on it and offering your horse a voice in what is happening goes a long way.
Horses really are amazing creatures. They engage us on very subtle levels if we are willing to listen. So have the conversation that matters.