You can't pour from an empty cup
The other day I woke up in the morning and just KNEW - today needs to be a day where I have to take care of myself. Yes, I made the day about me. My body and mind told me unequivocally - you need to rest, regroup, refresh. Because you cannot give what you don't have. This is not being selfish, it is about giving to ourselves so we then have the ability to give selflessly to others. Including our horses and our interactions with them.
YOU CAN'T POUR FROM AN EMPTY CUP
We so often get into the habit of giving, caring, solving problems for others, we neglect ourselves until there is nothing left. We end up emotionally drained, get aggravated, lash out, do a half-baked job at certain things or procrastinate. We get irritated with our horses and other riders, only listen to half of what the instructor is saying, become reactive instead of proactive. And then we expect our horses to fill in the void and put up with our increased level of frustration and lack of patience. Our horses then try to reconnect with us - because they are hard-wired for connection just like we are - by filling in for us. OR they recognize our disconnected state and run for the hills. In either case, you end up with your partner not being in tune with you because he doesn't know how to reach you!
If you recognize yourself - well, I got some good news for you. YEP, there is GOOD news! Our relationship with our horses is reciprocal in nature on the most basic level. But what does this actually mean when you run on empty?
Spending time with your horse can help you get back to a state of well-being and balance
Here are three things that have worked for me and my clients. You can take a little or a lot of time with these, but the goal is to slow down - less is more!
Take Time Saying Hello - this is probably one of the most misunderstood and under-utilized tools in the horse world. Take your time putting on the halter. Or getting your horse from the paddock. If your horse isn't already engaging with you by the time you walk up, take your time to establish this first. It really lays a solid foundation for the rest of your interaction with him or her. It also allows you to be in the moment and is a great way to stop those racing thoughts in our heads. Take A Breath - many times we only take shallow breaths. By bringing more oxygen into our lungs, we increase the availability of oxygen to all of our tissues, organs, body systems. More oxygen, more energy. And frankly, it's pretty relaxing as well.
The Art of Doing Nothing - you will probably question my sanity telling you that doing nothing will be one of the most important tools to achieve your goals. Doing nothing doesn't mean not showing up, it means you drop your agenda of "I've got to do this, achieve that, make this happen, get him to be smoother with his transitions". DOING NOTHING means we learn to BECOME QUIET. One example would be to take a chair and a book out to your horse's pasture and spend some time reading. I've also sat on a bucket in my horse's stall just watching him munch on hay for a few minutes. The goal is to stop doing and tune back into being in the here and now. Sometimes spending five minutes practicing this is all you need to fill up your cup. Some days may be longer. But I do suggest you take some time regularly - you'll be amazed how much calmer you get when you give up on your agenda on a regular basis. It allows for much greater focus and attention when you DO end up riding later.
- Grooming and becoming AWARE - I typically suggest to my clients to spend some time during the grooming process on this. You don't have to do it every day, but I bet once you see the benefits, it will be tough not to practice this regularly! There are some tools I teach my clients that are simple, effective and really help you connect with your horse. They are designed to show you how to tune back in - to yourself and your horse on a very deep level. The goal is to become aware of your horse's subtle communication to you. It also allows you to stop the incessant chatter in your head and helps you connect to the here and now. You become aware of his breathing pattern, his muscle tone, patterns of tension and restriction. It is also a good way to become aware of your OWN pattern of breathing. You will start noticing where YOU hold tension. And it will give you ways to let go of those patterns within you - physically and mentally. Once you let go, so can your horse. That's why I love it - they become such good measuring points for our own well-being. I challenge you to try it, I am still amazed how much I myself benefit from my sessions with each and every horse.
One of the hardest lessons I learned was: don't expect more from my horse than I expect of myself. This is especially difficult on days when we are tired. So take some time to fill up that cup again.