Respecting the NO, Celebrating the YES

Have you ever walked into the barn, armed with a goal, a plan, a desire, determined to make it all happen? And then your horse says NO, well, more like HELL NO. I can tell you, my mare Sassy was the queen of this. To be honest, in the beginning, I would just continue with my plan and goal and I expected her to be what I needed her to be. I simply was not aware enough of how much she wanted, and more so NEEDED to be heard and acknowledged.

But Sassy taught me well. And so did Chase, my gelding. And every horse since I woke up from my delusion of being right vs being effective. Yes, I said and totally meant “delusion”.

You see, I wanted a partnership, but I expected my partner to just agree to go along. To do want what I wanted, without considering where s/he was/is/needed to go. And there are days when I still need to learn variations of this lesson.

We as humans have the unique ability to think and project into the past and into the future. But we seem to find it difficult to stay in the NOW. And that’s where our horses live. Right HERE, right NOW. We walk into the barn remembering the last time, how good (or horrible) it felt, and we come up with a plan based on what we want and desire for the future. What we rarely account for and pay attention to is the horse we have in front of us right now this very minute.

And yet, that’s really all we got. The present moment is what we have to work with, and only that.

Bandito clearly saying "YES"

I recently had a session with a horse who gets regular bodywork every couple months. The last session went great. He allowed me to work on areas he typically was very reluctant about. So in true fashion, that’s what I had in mind when I showed up. Not focused on the actual moment I was in, but a memory. And he said NO. Actually it really was more like a HELL NO. He did not even want to be touched and there was no convincing him otherwise.

So why would he be so resistant? So adamant about not wanting to be touched? Doesn’t he know I can help him feel better?

When I bring my attention to the horse and his body, I also bring awareness – HIS awareness – to areas he has been protecting. He may have landed hard after a jump, or slipped in the pasture, or played a bit hard with his friends. He may be compensating for something else going on. As a prey species, horses avoid showing when they got injury and weakness. It’s an instinct deeply embedded in their nature. Do not show you are hurt or you may get eaten.

By the time it shows up as a physical issue, they have already put down layers upon layers of compensation until the body is compromised in some way. Bringing awareness to these areas sometimes causes resistance in the horse. Resistance showing up as a “No, stay away” or “I am scared” or even “I can’t do this”. My goal is to always stay below this response, but there are horses who are very sensitive by nature and are quick to respond. For them, it’s a black and white issue.

I HAVE TO RESPECT THIS IF I WANT TO BE EFFECTIVE IN MY WORK.

There is no other way. If I forced my way, the horse would only lay down more layers of defense, because the body records and stores all information, not just physical but also mental and emotional experiences. I have to be cognizant and aware of this at all times to help the horse in the most profound way. Their response, no matter what it is, is a vital guidepost telling me what is happening and how to move forward. The NOW informs where to go and how.

So how do I proceed when I choose to respect the NO? How do I get to a YES? How do I get from resistance to acceptance, relaxation and letting go? How do I change pinned ears, swishing tails, hindend swinging towards me, attempts to bite? How do I transform this into acceptance, softness, relaxation, letting go?

If I can’t physically touch him, how do I change this?

Light but intentional and intuitive touch is the cornerstone of my work. Note the soft expression on Riser's face. He is noticing and processing the changes to his entire body.

One of my clients called it the “Jedi Move”. I had never really thought about it, especially since I am not a huge Star Wars fan to begin with (although my husband is!). Give me a wizard instead!

But she was right about the general principle.

I access the horse’s energy field. It sounds a bit like science fiction, and if you ever watch me do this, you will think “but she isn’t really doing anything”. And there are many who think this is hocus pocus or WooWoo, not to be believed or trusted. And yet, energy is the foundation of everything. It is what we are made of, it connects everything. 

Energy is life itself. If you had told me 30 years ago that I would be studying this subject seriously, I would have laughed at you. Back then, I was interested in biology, somewhat interested in chemistry and had a slight curiosity about physics. And only if it didn't involve blackboards with complicated formulas!

And yet, we have now arrived at a point where all three areas are converging. Where scientists are making connections previously unheard of or only theorized. Connections we couldn’t even imagine – at least most of us. Connections that will change the very way we look at things and experience life.

One of my favorite quotes is from Dr. Wayne Dyer:

“When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”

And here is the one thing I don’t talk about often enough: I work with the horse’s energy field no matter if I touch the horse or not. I start connecting way before I even come close to the horse. We all do it, connect and disconnect, all day long. And yet, we simply are not aware of this amazing skill and gift we all have. I just happened to cultivate it to serve my mission.

So if I work with the field at all times, why does the horse have such a different reaction when I decide to honor his NO and work without physical touch? This work is subtle and yet can reach every part of him in the most gentle, non-invasive way you can imagine.

It is simple but not easy. It takes a great deal of awareness and intention. I do have to become much more tuned in when I don’t have my sense of touch to confirm what I feel energetically. This means I have to ground myself so I can MOVE the energy, not end up with it in my own body. Sometimes my clients watch the session (even one where I use touch) and end up feeling exhausted the day after. That’s because they did not ground and anchor themselves and took on all that I asked the horse to let go. If this ever happens to you, wash your hands and arms (up to your elbows) with cold water. Vigorously. This is a helpful hint whenever you have been with anyone (animals or people) who is overbearing or negative. You can actually take this on and with you when you leave. So wash those arms and hands!

I have several techniques that help, breath work is one of them. I also have to let go of thinking what is going on around me. For the most part. My energy field has to work hard to stay linked to the field of the horse without the sense of touch. As I tune in, and synch my frequency to his, I can feel for where the tension hooks in, I can influence it, I can play with it, I can tease and peel away. And I can do it in as gentle of a way as possible. As I change the frequency and vibration of the horse, mine also has to adjust. It is an ongoing dance – a give and take – a way of guiding the horse back to well-being on a very deep level. Physically, mentally, emotionally. ALL OF HIM.

Riser being deeply relaxed and tuned into his body - note how light my touch is!

How do I know this works? How would YOU know? The deep relaxation in the horse – almost like a trance. And most of the time, several horses around him are “zoned out” as well. They stand still in a way that is unmistakable. Their ears turned softly backwards, paying attention to the changes in their body. Changes in breathing pattern, a soft look, most of the time the eyes will close. Sighing, licking, chewing, yawning, swaying back and forth. My mare would get so relaxed that her legs almost buckled. I had to learn to adjust my field quickly when this happened. The skin starts to look different, previously tense tissue starts softening, hollow areas start filling out, the horse will drop his head. One hindleg will be cocked. And when I disconnect, the horse almost looks like he is waking up from a very deep sleep. Some horses stay in this relaxed state for quite some time. Even the most adamant NO turns into a YES, THIS feels good. It may even take him a few minutes “to find his sea legs”.

So why does the horse respond differently? Because there is nothing to resist. No request or demand, no physical sensation. No “pressure” he can recognize. He feels only his body.

Horses do not care about scientific explanations. They ONLY care that they feel safe enough to relax this deeply so they can let go. And that’s what this work offers to horses, no matter if they start out saying NO or YES.

I could not imagine life without this gift. And we all have it. We can all start using it right now, this very minute. No expensive equipment needed. All you need is a willingness to try it out and the open mind to receive the information that is given to you through sensations.

I invite you to play with it. I invite you to witness it. I invite you to make it yours.

With Love

Daniela