As this month of January is ticking along, relentless in its progression of minutes, hours, days, I decided to take some time to reflect on 2020. Many of us struggled, were frustrated and sometimes felt so helpless. Me included. There were several weeks where I wasn’t allowed into any barns to provide the care for my clients. There were several weeks I was not even allowed to see my own horse. So many things have changed, so many are still uncertain.  

I spoke with a friend today and realized we, as a society, are grieving. Yes, grieving. I think we all realize at this point that nothing will go back to what it was. But would we really want it to? Even before Covid, if we had to really dig deep, were we happy? Content? Excited? Elated? Satisfied with how life was happening? So what are we really grieving? What are we missing?

I would say it’s the relative security of knowing what is expected of us, what our options are, how life is supposed to happen. The very fabric of our culture and society has been ripped away from under us. And we are all somewhat teeter-tottering, trying to find stability in a very unstable world. We are trying to redefine our societal structures, our relationships, friendships, daily routines and interactions, and also our priorities.  

One of the first things I learned last year is the practice of surrender. When I was first informed that I was not allowed to see my horse, I was more than unhappy. Anger, frustration, resentment, helplessness. All of those emotions were very much present and accounted for. They also took up residence in my body. When we feel these emotions, they have a very real effect on our physical form and out mental aspect. Our horses are very much the same. Their bodies express the mental and emotional state they are in at all times. 

I could have spent several weeks immersed in anger, resentment and negativity. I chose to surrender. Surrender to the fact that I was not in control over the final decision. Surrender to the fact I had to entrust the care of my horse to someone else. I can tell you, it wasn’t smooth sailing by any means. Any practice, be it starting a new health regime, an exercise routine, a meditation practice, the goal to ride or train your horse a certain number of days, to study equitation or decide to working with a trainer – all require a commitment. But most importantly, they require a willingness to do things imperfectly. To realize that some days we will feel like we are going backwards, or we are failing. To accept the fact that some days we will not meet our goal or commitment. To surrender to life not being a straight line from point A to point B. To realize we are imperfect.

With that being said, you are probably wondering why I chose to write my first piece of 2021 about this topic. What does this really have to do with horses? Or bodywork?

Healing the body and mind requires us to let go of our linear thinking. It asks us to surrender to what the body tells us it needs and to let go of assumptions. Healing is anything BUT linear. It happens in a myriad of patterns – sometimes circling back, sometimes reaching a plateau, requiring us to reassess. But most importantly, it requires us to listen, to get quiet. The body keeps a score of all that happens. Be it physically, mentally or emotionally. Just think of your horse as a depository of all that has happened. Good, bad, indifferent. My late mentor, Dr Sue Brown DC, likened it to an orchestra with many instruments. Any experience had was like adding another instrument which had to be integrated into the whole. If it wasn’t tuned properly, if it wasn’t integrated, it would create a discord. And the tuning of some instruments take more time than others. The integration of some experiences may also require us to assist and then get out of the way so the body can utilize its own healing mechanism to complete the integration process. And that requires us to surrender to a level of uncertainty that can get uncomfortable.

For me personally, I have found some ways to help with this. One of the tools I use regularly is meditation and breathing techniques. Box breathing has been especially helpful to me. I can do it anywhere, anytime and it doesn’t require a lot of time or special equipment. It helps me get centered and grounded before I interact with horses and clients. I can also use it in between horses, especially when I have several sessions in a row. I have even been known to use it while waiting in line to get into a grocery store when my patience is a bit thin! It allows me to enter a more relaxed state of mind, increase my focus and attention, slow and deepen my breathing, and come back to center.  

You can search it pretty easily - just type Box Breathing into any search engine and you will find a myriad of websites popping up. It is even used in the military and in Seal Training.

In the meantime, be well and I wish you happy and content horses.

Daniela