Love Liberates
I recently came across this YouTube video of Maya Angelou - Love Liberates. It was a beautiful homage to her mother - imperfections and all.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cbecKv2xR14
But what struck me the most was how it applied to our relationship with horses. Most of us have horses because we love them. It is not a hobby or passion for the fainthearted after all!
But how many times do we really allow our horse the freedom to be who he truly is? How many times do we "make" him do his job, silence his voice, disregard his expression of discomfort?
"He has a GREAT life!" we say. He gets fed, has a nice comfy stall, never has to worry about predators, or where his next meal comes from. He gets the best feed, I only ride him for an hour.... you know it all too well. I've said those same things myself. And I am not suggesting we all just open all the gates and doors and let our horses run wild and free.
What I am asking is:
Are you listening?
Do you see?
Can you feel his breath?
Are you aware of his slight worry, or his joy?
My mare Sassy was and still is one of my greatest teachers. I fell in love with her because of her spirit. It was big, expansive, powerful - and yet extremely sensitive at the same time. She was uncompromising in who she was when I first met her, and she still is. Anyone who tried to MAKE HER DO IT quickly found out otherwise. She was defensive, distrustful, reactive with a BIG personal space bubble, especially with other horses. She taught me how important it was to her to be herself, to have a voice.
And then I changed: She was allowed to say "I am scared", she was allowed to say "I don't want to be touched there", she was allowed to have a melt-down.
My responsibility rested in providing a safe space to do it. To "have her back" so to speak. BodyWork was huge with her - it gave me an "in". Gentle techniques, short sessions, softness - they allowed her to release stored up tension. And by releasing those tension patterns, she slowly also started releasing those behaviors, her distrust, her anger and frustration. Because I started listening, she started communicating. Because I started asking instead of demanding, she started listening and cooperating. Because I learned to understand HER, she started to trust.
You may ask: why didn't you just show her who is boss? You are going to get yourself killed being this warm and fuzzy with this woo woo stuff! I can honestly tell you, I did. I am actually quite good at being assertive - but Sassy didn't need me to be a boss. She needed space to be herself - and I loved her enough to give it to her. To get out of my head and into my heart - I can tell you that without a doubt - she liberated me as much as I Iiberated her. She helped me to find my OWN voice as I helped her find hers. I learned to value the subtle things, the quiet moments, the content look in her eye. And her ability to love me now on those days when I AM not my best is the greatest gift of all.